i have done what you wanted me to do,
but now, you'll go on and forget me.
you don't know how hard this is for me.

remember this?

John Legend - Ordinary People

Girl i'm in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cos we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
We head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
But as our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I still want you to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cos we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return
Maybe you'll never find
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
You never know baby you and I


|
cherie scribbled at 8:52 AM

it has been 4 days.
4 very very long days.
not a single day i haven't thought about him.

i want Ben to want me back.
he's coming backfrom taiwan today and i'm scared.
i'm so scared i'm actually shaking.
i'm scared cos i want him to attempt to contact me.
but he might not. and i'm scared i'll just break.
i've been trying to be strong. for everyone. i don't want them to worry.
but this time, i might not be able to do it.

we were so good together.
one last chance. please.
but... i know my chance might not come.
i screwed it up.

but... what if we gave it another chance and it still doesn't work out?
i can't go through this again.
it hurts too much.

oh i give up.
fuck my pride and dignity.
i'll change.
please take me back.


|
cherie scribbled at 5:31 PM

pain, anger and sadness.
i loved you.
more than i loved myself.
all those times i gave you another chance,
but now, when i need my second chance, who's gonna give it to me?

all the dishonesty.
you can't blame me for being paranoid.
but to be fair,
i can't blame you for lying as well.
i shouldn't have pushed you into a corner.
i just wanted proof that i was important enough.
you can't go around calling girls dear, being so affectionate with them.
no matter how secure your girlfriend is, it will affect her.

do you love me?
have you ever loved me?
were you doing those things you did to chase me away?
i really wanna know.
but i can't. cos you flew off to taiwan this morning.
i still wanna be friends.
cliche i know, but i really do.
i'll miss you.

i remember being happy with you.
the photos you have on your wall. proof of those times.
why can't you see beyond this?
we had ups and downs and this is just one of the down periods.
doesn't it kill you to think that we might have worked out if only we gave it another chance?

i still can't believe it's over.
i cried the day you left.
i cried yesterday.
but i will try not to cry anymore.
i no longer have you but i have my family and friends.
they love me and i love them back.

thank you Ben.
and i love you.
onelasttime.


|
cherie scribbled at 7:36 PM

i miss myself.
i miss how i used to be.
carefree and happy.

i remember in secondary school (when the spice girls were still "in") we would pretend to be one of them.
(don't laugh. you did it too.)
Ziying was sporty, kelly was ginger and i was posh. (baby and scary were umm...oh no, i can't remember.)
*laughs*
so silly, but so fun.
well, at that time, i really felt like i was like victoria beckham (i don't even remember her surname. haha)
you know, i was confident, i was rich (relative, cos all my money came from my parents) and i had the rest of the wannabe spice girls.
*laughs*

and in poly, i had the league.
named after the movie.
it was the gang at first, then they got so insipred by the movie they changed our name.
*laughs*
ah, and all the nick names.
let's see, pei shan was hushie (cos she had hair that looked like the hush puppy's ears)
jasmine was sio bak ( umm, sensitive)
jenny was queen of balas ( due to an incident on the bus )
and i was Queen of SM ( cos of some article i was reading about anal beads. no link whatsoever), airpork and finally xiao pang.
*laughs*

i don't mean they're not around anymore,
it's just that people drift apart.
and i know i haven't been very good with keeping in contact, but if you're reading this, i miss you guys.
=)


|
cherie scribbled at 7:00 AM

don't judge me.
don't judge my relationship with ben.
don't. just don't.

i might be useless.
and ben might be a steward.
but i am in no way not good enough for him.
ask him.
who's the person who's always there for him when he needs someone to be around?
who's the person that massages him when his back aches?
who's the one who cleans his room?
who's the person who wil give up anything just to spend some time with him?
and
who's the one that promises heaven and hell but never delivers?
who's the one that gets disappointed?
who's the one that waits and waits and waits?

in every relationship,
someone gives and the other takes.
someone suffers when the other is happy.
so don't judge.

and please,
think about my feelings when you ask if i'm good enough for him.


|
cherie scribbled at 8:17 AM

break ups are always painful.
even though i was the one who initiated it.

i don't understand.
we tried so hard yet it didn't work out.

don't ever ever lie to me anymore.
i won't be able to take it.

you were my best friend.
my only friend.
the one who knew everything.

i never meant for things to turn out like that.
i love you.
i did 10 years ago.
i still do now.

i am so angry with myself.
cos i told myself to never call or msg you.
but i did.
and the worst part of this is that i know i'll come running back to you if only you'd ask.


|
cherie scribbled at 8:05 PM